Blog of Sara Jakša

The Nagonal Planet [Star Trek Fanfiction]

Leonard decided that the idiot that decided that CMO is the best person to beam down with the landing party is going to get a hypo with some nasty STD in their neck.

Jim and Spock jumped up. Jim turned to the Nagonal leader. "What is the meaning of this?"

The leader titled his head and looked at him in interest. "Is that not what you desire, captain?"

"No. Release him right now." Kirk said, his eyes becoming cold like the Neptune night.

Leonard really wished that his conversation would not happen while he was forced to kneel, with his hands forced behind him. He was feeling very annoyed. "Maybe somebody could explain what is going on here?"

This comment made the guards apply pressure on his arms and Leonard had no choice but the bend forward. That hurt.

The Nagonal leader did not put any attention on what was happening. Kirk looked at Leonard and his eyes darkened.

The leader waved his hand. "Take him away."

Jim moved in for a punch, but it was stopped by Spock's hand. He moved next to Jim and turned stiffly to the leader. "This is an attack on the Starfleet officer. May I ask for your reasons?"

Leonard wanted to know the reason as well, but before he could hear the explanation, he was dragged away.

He like the new place even less than the previous one. It was dark, and the ropes around his his body and neck were cutting into is skin. He did not want to think about their unhygienic nature, but since they were bounded in a way that did not allow for escape, his thought eventually wondered there. But the worst part of it was, that he was suspended alone in the darkness for hours, with no information. Hard to plan an escape in these situations.

He must have doused off, as he woke up when the doors opened. The light then came up. The leader and Jim came inside. Jim walked slower, his legs avoiding the mess on the floor. The Nagonal leader closed the door and followed Jim.

Jim came closer and looked Leonard up and down. He was biting his lips, but did not came closer.

"Please tell me that you managed to clear this misunderstanding?" Leonard said. The relief that he felt when seeing Jim was giving space to the apprehension. He trusted Jim, yes, but he also knew that space is not a safe place.

"He is all yours, captain." the Nagonal leader said, as he leaned back on his red tail.

Jim glanced back at the leader, then his straightened out. He took a step closer and put his hand in the ropes bounding Leonard together.

"Jim?" asked Leonard. He was glad that the ropes were no longer scuffing his neck, but he was not sure what to think about this Jim.

The next moment he noticed Jim stepped on his toes, his face coming closer. He felt his eyes widened in surprise. But that did not stop Jim for kissing him.

First couple of them were just pecks, meeting the skin with a skin. Jim moved back, his mouth tense and his eyes were averted. The next moment he came closer, his mouth now demanding.

Leonard was freaking out when Jim's mount continues its relentless attack. He felt somebody grab his ass, and he gasped, allowing Jim to push his tongue into his mouth. He wanted to push Jim away but could not.

Jim moved away from the lack of air. Leonard was shell-shocked, which it why it probably took Jim leading his away to notice that he was standing on his legs now. He allowed Jim to arrange him on the dry wheat-like plant that was lying in piles.

Jim put one of the hands through Leonard's hands. "I am sorry." he said. He then nuzzled his head in Leonard's neck. The Nagonal leader was standing in Leonard's sight line looking smug.

Suddenly, Leonard could feel the ropes loosening. Kirk broke them and threw them away. The Nagonal leader's face fell, Kirk took the communicator and flipped it over. As Nagonal leader was taking the knife out, Leonard could feel the transporter taking hold of them.

They ended up on the Enterprise. Jim jumped away from Leonard.

Spock, manning the transporter station, was looking at them in interest. "I see the plan worked, captain."

Jim glared at him, as he brushed away the dry grass. He then shook his head. "I need to go to the bridge." he said, but he was not looking at none of them. He then quickly walked out.

Leonard looked after him. He turned to Spock. "What happened?" he asked. He was really grumpy about being left out of the loop.

Spock nodded. "I suggest I tell you in the way to the Med-bay."

Leonard knew that bio-filters on transporters made routine after planet-side mission obsolete. But he also knew that if any member, not just a certain always-getting-in-trouble-captain, would be kidnapped and hold captive, he would have ordered an examination. So they made their way to the sickbay together.

When hearing the explanation, Leonard decided that the person that really needs that STD hypo is whoever made a report about this planet. Maybe having just a note about their sexual structure would be great, considering that if somebody is superior position wanted to have sex with you, you have to obey or face punishment: gang rape of anybody who wanted a piece of you. Leonard groaned.

Spock stopped and looked at the doctor. "Doctor, did the Nagonal people did anything to you?"

"You mean beside kidnapped, bounded and hanged? Not really." Leonard said with annoyance.

Spock turned and they made their way to the Sickbay. There Spock left him in M'Benga's care and made his leave.

Jim did not came around the whole day, so after his shift ended, Leonard made his way to Jim's rooms. He did not bothered knocking, but simply pushed the code and entered.

Jim was sitting on the sofa. He looked at the door and when he recognized the person there, he stood up from it. He nodded.

Leonard took that as a sign to came inside and sat down on the bed. "How are the negotiations going?"

Jim sighed, as he sat back down on the sofa. "The only way we could get this agreement signed is if the admiral came here and sends me back to the academy."

Bones nodded. "This isn't Nibiri, so I think we are safe."

Jim looked away at his PADD. "Would have been worth it."

"And having sex with me wouldn't?" Jim turned his head around to look at him. "Spock explained it."

"So now you know it was my fault." Jim said.

"You can't help it if you find me attractive." Leonard said. "I also know you."

"Yes, I am a slut." Jim said, looking down.

Leonard could recognize the self-depreciation and quiet acceptance in Jim's voice. He wanted to reach to Jim's hands, but something stopped him mid-move. He realized that some part of him is dreading the results.

Jim laughed a hollow laugh. "You are afraid to even touch me."

Leonard stood up, took two steps so he was behind Jim, and gave him a head knuckle. Jim turned around and was no glaring at him.

"Who is the doctor here?" Leonard asked, as he looked at Jim with the raised eyebrow.

Jim looked away.

"Jim." Leonard said, as he leaned on the sofa behind his head. "You found the way for me out of this planet that did not involve me having some unwanted sex. I can't complain."

Jim glanced up at him. He than leaned back on Leonard's hands. "Unwanted? I am hurt."

"Too messy." Leonard agreed. "The potential to get some weird alien sexual illness is too great. Plus, there are the whole romantic commitment issues that this subject has. Not to mention the attitude."

Jim rolled his eyes. "It is not messy if there is no commitment involved."

"Keep telling yourself that." Leonard said. They are going to be alright.

The inspiration for this work came from the picture found on . But since I don't read Korean at all, I have no idea who the author is.

Difference Between Improving and Feeling Good

There is a story, that have really struck a cord with me, and I don't mean in a positive way. It goes something like this:

There were two groups of writers. In one group, the writers. would always point out the positive things they noticed in each other writing and in the other, they would point out the things that did not work as well. After years, half of the people in the first group were published authors, and none in the second.

What is the thing that bothered me the most? The notion that somebody would be able to become a whole new level with positive feedback only. And for a long time I though that it is a 'me' kind of thing. After all, apparently not remembering if the parents ever praised me and not carrying if they did not was the reason for quite some pity and horror.

If should be clear to anybody that have just a passing interest in the personal development. Making sure that people feel good is the first step to actually making improvements. Quite a lot of times feeling good, or feeling happiness was the ultimate goal.

But when I started to actually started reading scientific articles, the picture that they painted was not that clear. There are quite a lot of support that it is not the positive feelings, but the negative feelings that actually improve people.

There was an interesting study that showed that people feeling benign envy were more motivated to improve than people feeling admiration. Some other showed that people feeling the emotions connected with pain, were more likely to show improvements. in their life. Anybody that though through the application of deliberate practice had probably realized that it is a lot more uncomfortable than simply practicing the skill that somebody is already good at.

And what I think is behind it is the difference in the goal. Positive emotions lead to the positive feelings and to the life filled with happiness. Negative emotions lead to improvements., which then goes to constant rising of the lifestyle. And with the lifestyle I don't mean just financial, but any part of it that is important to a person.

Sure, people want to have the cake and eat it too. I remember when I presented the fact that benign envy is better emotion for improvement than admiration. Some of the people started to try and explain it away, unable to even entertain it. Some seems to have taken it in a humorous way. But then again, I know that at least one of the latter already told me that she does not understand why selfish pursuit of happiness. is considered a goal in out society. I think it shows that she, at least on some level, understood the dichotomous relationship between emotions and reactions.

So now everytime that people tell me to be more positive, which happens frequently enough that it is a tiny bit annoying, I remember this insight. I remind myself that these people seems to either want me to be happy or they don't know this connection. If it is the former, while I don't really wish for that, I can at least accept it that they seems to have my best interest in their mind.

But instead, I make sure that I put myself in the situation when I can feel these feelings. I want to have these feelings of dread, anxiety, fear, anger, annoyance and so on. Even if sometimes the things that I do would not produce these feelings in others, like asking the administration of my university to let me experiment with my studies. On the other side some things that other people seems to steer clear of, would not produce these feelings in me, like living in another city or petting snakes. I like snakes.

It is important that each person find their own way of inducing these feelings and then even when feeling them takes actions. It is only through these that we are able to evolve ourselves. And maybe we can even reach a new evolution state, like in Pokemons. But in this case I think we are most likely Eevees, since I think each of us have multiple evolutionary paths that we can take.

If the situation is still the same as the first couple of seasons in the anime, Pokemons still have to battle to reach a new form. The same way we can't improve with being wrapped in the blanket of positive feeling. We would be like Jim Kirk while in Nexus, where nothing happened to him for decades. Though, now that I think about it, considering most people wanted to stay in Nexus, maybe most people don't want to improve? Depressing, considering that Star Trek was considered the utopian society.

I guess what I was trying to say is, that improvement needs negative footer. So get some, in any way you know how, be it from the outside world or inside.

Why People Mistakenly Think They are Ambiverts?

Isn't it interesting? Extraversion and introversion are one of the more researched personality traits, yet people still have problems deciding whenever they are more extraverted or more introverted.

I guess it adds to the confusion, that in psychology extraversion is comprised from a couple of different concepts: from sociability, to how sensitive somebody is to the outside stimulus, how much is immediate gratification necessary, to how likely the person is to experience the positive emotions.

Yes, before anybody asks, apparently extraverts are more likely to experience positive emotions. They are also more likely to have better social relationships. On the other side they are more likely to be overweight, have financial problems and so on. Just looking over the negative lists for both sides makes me want to not choose either.

Extraversion-introversion axis is also one of the axis that is present in multiple personality types models and traditions, which means that there is a lot of information to absorb to just be able to figure out what it means. And while they more or less describe the similar attitude, their explanations can sometimes be confusing.

That is why, a person can be extravert by one definition and introvert by the other one. I know a case of it, when an ISTP type, so an introverted type (MBTI types) was also a choleric, which is an extraversion type (4 temperaments).

So far the most helpful definition that I have found was that introverted people are the ones that prefer introspecting to acting, but do both. The extraverts are reverse. While they also do both, they prefer acting to introspecting. But even that does not really help. After all, if we do both, how can we know which one do use more?

There is an idea in the Jung psychoanalysis circles that overcomplicates matter even more. In Jung's personality types, the direction of the hero function is the one that decides which one are we. But the direction of the parent function, the one that we use to relate to other people, it opposite of the hero one.

Which is a pretty need idea. It means that we are both extraverted and introverted, but one actually decides our type, and the other is only used when dealing with other people. But this idea, even if it explains the title question (Why people think they are ambiverts), it brings an additional problem.

What do I mean by this problem? Well, most of the situations, that are used to discover the type are social ones. And it is hard to see the differences, since we are likely to be using both of our first two functions anyway. There are differences - I had the pleasure to watch two people which only difference was in the introversion-extraversion part. But I would have put at least one of them in the wrong bin, if not for this interaction.

We could look at particularly which function is used to take care of people - which would tell us that the opposite direction is the primary one. But for that we would need to know people quite well. There are basically two reasons:

First one is that when we simply talk with people, we are much more likely to use the extraverted function to communicate our message, regardless of their strength or place in the stack. Which would give us the overrepresentation in one direction.

The second one is that introverted ways of taking care of people can be quite hidden. After all, introverted ways of taking care of us would be clarifying what we already know about something, making sure that we have the basic comfort and that we continue to move forward, helping us through our hidden feelings or helping us clarify our future. Not really something that gets used a lot when meeting somebody for the first couple of time.

On the other hand, extraverted ways of taking care of people can be a lot more visible and socially accepted. Like making sure everybody in the group feels fine, making sure the outside system works fine, coming up with new ideas for what to do, making us appreciate this moment in life or making us try new food.

Extraversion being more socially acceptable and people pretending to be one does not help the matter much.

So on the end the two forces, that we are both able to be extraverted and introverted and that its use is depended on a lot of factors are the two main reasons why people are confused. Not having good definitions for them just makes the cloudy sky of this concept even worse.

How Different MBTI Types Approach Personal Development

You know what happens to me often? I am talking to one of my acquaintances. In the conversation they would suddenly start talking about what should I do to improve myself. Usually it is either social skills, being softer while giving my opinions or my language skills. One example would be, that I need to go out in the world to meet new people. Because they know that I am lonely.

I am aware that there are differences in people. Which led me to to try and lurk on the forums, trying to figure out if there are some patterns in which the different MBTI types are approaching the self development. After all, even though there are countless different ways of self-development, if everybody really had completely different way, than the self-development field would not exist. As solutions would not be tailored to one person.

What I figured out it is, that people usually use their first two functions to map their self-development. And it is usually the realm of the other functions to where the self-development is taking place.

Let me expand on the second point first. The other functions in this situations are usually the third and forth. So person with extroverted feeling in their first two functions, like the INFJ that mentioned that, are working on trusting the logic. Their reason? They found that they make better choices when they use logic than when they listen to their heart. People with strong extraverted intuition work on their practical skills, which is the domain of introverted sensing. And people with introverted thinking as a preference tend to try working on their social skills.

But even if this is a trend, it is not the absolute rule. Like a person with extraverted sensing working on how to dress themselves or people with introverted thinking trying to become smarter in the traditional sense.

Now let us go to how types actually approach the self development...

The first thing that I noticed is that people with extraverted judging and introverted perceiving tend to also be interested in the development of other people, not just themselves. On the other hand, people with introverted judging and extraverted perceiving gave the idea that they are mostly interested in improving themselves. Something to keep in mind as we go through with it.

People with extraverted feeling tend to do self-development work, that connect with making other people happy. Either they are working on how to do it better, or they are working on how to reach a better balance in their life and not do it all the time. The first approach seems to be winning though. They learn by observing and listening to other people and taking their knowledge and habits into their own life. They are much more likely to, at least at the start, trust their hearts to make the decision on what to self-improve.

People with extraverted thinking hate the slowness, and tend to work on the things that can be used in practice immediately. That is why they are much more likely to work on different skills sets. They choose what to improve on by analyzing and then improving on anything that is flawed. They are quite vocal in how others should be improving as well.

People with introverted sensing usually improve only when they need to by the external circumstances. They choose what to improve in based on how it can be practically applied in their life right now. They are more likely to improve slowly, but their change is going to be stable one. When they need to improve, they are likely to do it with introspection.

People with introverted intuition tend to talk about the understanding of self and the world. They are ready to improve on anything it needs improving on, for what they are citing their perfectionism. They also mentioned a lot of different methods that they use for improving: contemplating, journaling, introspecting, predicting the future and planning.

People with introverted feeling are much more likely to work on accepting themselves than on improving them. They take the self-development as a sort of healing that some people need to do. But there is one thing that they are very interesting in improving and that is their mental status. They are trying to control their mindset, usually to be more positive, present and constructive. They usually introspect, but they also like talking to other people, more to be heard, than to actually get any feedback.

People with introverted thinking try to find the balance between thought and action. Though sometimes the laziness gets in the way. They hyper-analyze everything, making sure it all work like an efficient machine. They are usually go at finding workaround. Habits seems to be the best way they cite for reaching change via self-improvement.

People with extraverted sensing usually just do it. When they finding something to improve, they know that it will work out and they use every available resource on their hand. They don't mention any preferred techniques, claiming that they are able to do anything.

People with extraverted intuition also use every available resource. They are quite likely to experiment with ideas, believing that eventually they will reach their best selves that way. They usually go to the interesting bits immediately, as it is shown by their reading pattern - they read books in small chunks, usually only the chapters that are interesting.

When I look through my family and friends through these lenses, I can finally understand why there is such a difference in how we approach the self-development. These differences can be frustrating, but they also make sure that we don't have the same talents and interests. After all, who wants to have the whole world for their competition?

How Extraverted Intuition Deals With Repetitive Tasks

Looking at my family, I have an interesting hypothesis: it is the extraverted perceiving function, that makes a person basically hate the tedious and repetitive tasks. But while people with extraverted sensing tend eventually to buckle up and eventually do it, it is us, with extraverted intuition, that are serial procrastinators and really need a good system to deal with them.

I (with aux Ne) know that I find most repetitive tasks annoying. Why make a bed, when it is going to be messy in less than 24 hours? Or why do we need to deal with these 7 year old paperwork? Because of the law? Yeah, let's instead find a easier way to do it.

Mother (with dom Ne) is even worse. Let me tell you, she procrastinates on the repetitive tasks, like the travel forms (which we need to file for tax purposes), for months. She is always having non-up-to-date inventory and her financial records are never up to date.

On the other hand, she is always eager to start some new ideas, like the new marketing campaign, the new alliance with some other firm or what we already consider her main hobby: finding ways to improve the other people's businesses.

Which is different than my sister (dom Se) and father (aux Se), who complain about it. But even though they sometimes they don't do it immediately, it is always done on time. Or foe even bigger distinction, my sister's boyfriend (dom Si), who I have never see complain about any of this.

So I have spent some time dealing with this problem. I basically have three strategies in how I am dealing with this: one is to embrace my dominant function (Ti), and one is to make the task more interesting my involving my auxiliary functions (Ne). Yes, while the latter is actually the culprit in this case, it is also by embracing it, that I can make some of these tasks more interesting.

The third one can only work if the work is mindless. It is basically to put a couple of episodes of Star Trek on my computer and watch it while I am working. Just too bad that this one doesn't work for all tedious work. If I don't happen to have my computer with me, than thinking about something completely unrelated also helps.

At least my introverted thinking is usually very annoyed when things don't make sense. Plus, it is also the part of me, that is constantly monitoring my performance and gives comments in which parts is my performance still deficient. Both of these are really useful when trying to go through tedious tasks. Let me give you some examples.

One of the tedious tasks that needs to be done on the regular basis is washing the dishes. I mean, if the dishes are not washed, eventually the ability to cook and eat food will be drastically decreased. So I invented (or reinvented, I am sure that somebody has already came up with it) the skill called mid-cooking washing. Basically, while cooking I am already making sure that I am washing the dishes in the mean time, and by the time I start eating, only my plate and eating utilities are dirty.

One other example would be data entry that I do for my family business. In that case, I am trying to beat myself, as I try and come up with the quicker way to type something. I am constantly trying to beat myself.

The other way of how I am dealing with it is by embarrassing my extroverted intuition. There are a lot of interesting possibilities in even the most tedious work, like cleaning the flat, shopping, or simply reviewing the material for graduate school.

For example,w hen I am going grocery shopping, I am constantly trying to think about what each person eats, what we still have at home and how can each food item that I buy incorporate in the following structure.

I do sometimes wish I had a better developed introverted sensation, as they say that this is a function that thrives on moving forward and repetition. My life could be a lot easier with it. But until I manage to find a way to do it, I am simply going to have to rely on my introverted thinking and extraverted intuition.

Pike's Confusion [Star Trek Fanfiction]

Pike pinched the top of his nose, as he continued wondering what did he do do deserve this. Jim, he could handle. Even that doctor that he was constantly pestering should not be that much of a problem. But since was Spock, the Vulcan, willing to help them in their shenanigans?

Spock was looking at Pike with a his normal expression. His hands were at the back, his posture straight, but not rigid.

Pike signed, as he leaned forward. "Mind explaining what happened?"

Spock seems to be thinking for a moment. "Nothing you should concern yourself with, captain."

Pike tried to glare at it, but after all this time he was too tired to pull it off. "Let me see... What about the biggest fight that happened in the academy in over hundred years? How they called me that apparently there are cadets that are trying to kill Jim Kirk? Or should we rather we talk about how all of them either ended up with extremely rare medical condition or unexplained fear of Vulcans, commander?"

Spock blinked, as it seemd like he was thinking over his response. "I am sure that it will not be repeated again."

"Which part?" Pike asked, now really tired. They were about to lose a couple dozen students and his future first officer does not even want to explain what the hell is going on.

"All of it." Spock said.

Pike leaned back and waived his away. "You are dismissed commander." he said. He then watched Spock walk away.

He sat back in the chair for 10 more minutes, then decided that he could check up on Jim. He made his way into the Starfleet Medical. When he came to the right floor, he noticed that doctor, that Jim always hangs around, outside his room.

But the one thing that surprises him is that the doctor is glaring at him. It took him a couple of seconds more to realize that he was being assessed as the potential threat. He could not understand why. He nodded to the doctor, deciding to go inside.

"Jim is having a visitor right now." the doctor said, as he started to look back at the other people that were passing his room.

"Pardon?" Pike asked.

"He is already having a visitor, so you will need to come back later." Leonard said, as he turned to him.

Pike could feel the annoyance at the whole situation starting to get the better of him. "As Kirk's adviser, I think you don't have the right to stop me, cadet."

"Doctor." he corrected. "And as Jim's primary physician, I do."

Pike took a double take. Since when is Kirk actually willing to have a physician? Because just a month ago it seemed like simply getting him a basic check-up was something he spend way too much time arguing about.

Something like that has to show on his face, as McCoy shook his head. "Look, Jim hasn't even woken up yet, so there is no reason for you to be here."

Pike straightened up. "I am still going to see him." he said, as he tried to make his way into Kirk's room. But before he reached the door, he felt a hypo in his neck. He turned around and looked at McCoy, who had a apologizing face.

"What have you given me?" Pike said, as he felt his body become weaker.

But McCoy ignored him, calling a nurse from the station and Pike could feel himself being dragged to the room.

When Pike woke up afterwards, there was still light outside. He looked at the left, where he saw his friend Puri reading something on the PADD. Puri looked up.

"You woke up." he said with a smile.

Pike was feeling featherweight and it took his a couple of moment to remember how he ended up in the hospital. He sat up, or at least tired to, but was stopped by Puri's hand pushing his back on the bed.

"Your tests showed that you are running on your fumes." Puri said, shaking his head. "So admiralty gave you 3 days of forced leave."

"Exostion?" Pike said. "But I was drugged."

Puri sighed. "Let me guess, by doctor McCoy, right?"

Pike started at Puri. "How..." he asked.

"How did I know?" Puri paused for Pike to nod his head. "I suspected when doctor McCoy called that you collapsed from exsostion. I was certain, when there was no proof that it was anything else."

"You think there is something strange about him?" Pike asked.

Puri laughed. "Strange?" He looked out of the window. "Chris, between us... McCoy is the currently the best doctor that the fleet has." Puri raised his hand to stop Pike from asking questions. "And I don't mean just a surgeon. That guy has xenoanatomy knowledge that no other doctor here had."

"But he had no training." Pike said. McCoy was a bloody good trauma surgeon, but there was no indication that he had any kind of practice with aliens. That is why he had to go through 3 years of study.

"Exactly." Puri said. "But not something he is willing to discuss. Believe me, I asked."

Puri then turned back to him. "I managed to convince them to release you when you wake up, but only under the condition that you stay under my care."

Pike groaned, but deep inside he was glad that he is not going to have to stay in the hospital longer than necessary.

How Jung's Personality Functions Can Help You Enjoy Your Public Speaking

Public speaking is assumed to be one of the biggest fears that the humanity has. In case you can't tell, I am a tiny bit skeptical of this notions. There are fears that we have in our genetic code, like fear of falling or snakes. But I highly doubt that fear of public speaking is one that is written in our genes. And if it is not, why is it so prevalent?

Since it is not genes, it is most likely the environment. I am sure that most of you were able to enjoy the public speaking when you were younger. I know I had. Even if I am a little glad that most people, except maybe my mother, don't remember the time when I made the whole room of strangers laugh with dirty jokes when I was ten years old.

But while some people don't have a good memory of public speaking experience, everybody I talked to about it seems to have some bad or just embarrassing memory of the public speaking experience. My happened in the eight or ninth grade. We had to memorize and present a speech about a person of pour choice. Let me tell you that memorizing that speech was tedious and I still needed help with some words. Something that I have been teased about later.

The years passed and I simply accepted that maybe I was just not talented in public speaking. And yes, I am still annoyed at my past self to believe in talent. But eventually I figured out that it was not the lack of talent, but the simple fact that I have been using the wrong method to do it.

The memorizing and repetition of speeches have the long tradition in history. The lawyers in the ancient Rome were studying this way. They could not completely butchered the process, considering that the Roman law is still the basis for a lot of our legal system. On the other hand, according to one documentary they also trained their voice by screaming in the middle of the night, so there is that.

So I am not trying to say that it is a bad method. Just that it is a method that is not suited for me. This thinking solidified, when I started attending the Toastmasters meetings and among other things we discussed the way that they prepare for their speeches. There was quite a lot of variety. But on the other side, there was also patterns in it.

I was trying to find the underlying explanation of it, and I think I found it in the Jung's personality functions, especially the ones that deal with how we get our information.

There are two Jung's information functions: Sensing and Intuition. Both of these function can have an Extraverted or an Introverted orientation. So we end up with Extraverted Sensing (Se), Introverted Sensing (Si), Extraverted Intuition (Ne) and Introverted Intuition (Ni).

You can see the short overview on the following picture:

Se -> just do it, Ne -> learn by trial, Si -> rise and repeat, Ni -> go deeper

People with the strongest Extraverted Sensing function then to do best, when they are allowed to try something in practice. For these people, simply putting them on the stage and make them do a speech could be all they need. My sister, who has it as a strongest function hates the whole process of actually coming with the speech. On the other hand, she thrives in the stressful situations (People with strong Extraverted Sensing can enter the flow state in the stressful situation). She even mentioned once, that she is the one person on the debate group that is the best at improvising.

People with the strongest Introverted Sensing functions are the ones that feel like at home with the whole write the speech out and repeat it more as many times as necessary. For them, going through the same process as we needed to use in our school could be the best way. Also, these people, the more they do something, the more familiar it becomes to them, and the more at ease they are with it. So doing the same speech in different situations might make they more comfortable. I think that I helped and evaluated a speaker like at Toastmasters meeting once. I remembered that I was surprised that the text that I was sent was the same one that the person used on the stage. Later they commented that they just practiced them the same way the whole time.

People with the strongest Extraverted Intuition function are people like me. They are the ones that need the trial-and-error method to do it. For these people, similarly to the extraverted sensing ones, trying it out before ready might be the right approach. But not so much because of the stress, but to get additional data. This is also my strongest information function. I know that after I have all the needed data for the speech, I simply start doing different variations, either in my head or acting them out. I always use the data from the simulation to try something new next time. I am incapable of preforming the same speech in the same way two times.

The last but not least are people with the strongest Introverted Intuition function. If I am assuming that they would use the similar method for public speaking than for solving a math problem, then what they need for their preparation is time and quiet. I am not entirely sure what happens in their head at the time, but it seems like some mix of magic and inspiration and the solution pops out. I remember once watching a film that shows a person with introverted intuition solving a math problem. They were staring at the problem and after a couple of minutes, they wrote down the correct solution. I sadly have yet to explore the public speaking process with somebody like that.

When you are trying to compare yourself to one of the following descriptions, don't forget to put aside any notion of how the process was supposed to look like, but try to only think about which of these processes come naturally for you. Don't allow the subconscious priming that the environment put on you, if it is not serving you. After all, it is not better for everybody that we are doing the things in an enjoyable way.

How I Made My Computer Stop Me From Overthinking My Writing

The empty page. This is probably one of the universal fears of the writers all over the world. The empty page represent on one hand the countless possibilities of what we can write and on the other hand, it makes it hard to pick something that has the possibility of becoming something at least half decent.

I sometimes blame my Ne for too many ideas (Ne means Extraverted Intuition, you can google the Jung's functions - it is fascinating topic). On the other hand my Ti (Introverted Thinking) finds fault with every single idea that think of. As thankful as I am to both of them, sometimes they are the pain in the ass.

That is why to admit that I find public speaking much easier than writing, for the sole purpose that I know that I don't have to be perfect in public speaking - people can miss a lot while listening, but there is no way to tell if they will downright peruse the writing that they find.

So while thinking how to solve the problem, I came up with the idea. If the public speaking is easier, because it does not allow for the repetition, than maybe stopping the possibility of corrections and thinking time might made the writing easier. If nothing else, the thinking process would become more similar to the the one used in public speaking.

So I wrote a python plugin for gedit, that starts to erase the letters of my writing. A couple of seconds after the file stops changing, it starts to delete letter for letter from the back. If the file continue to be left alone, it ends up eating all the writing away.

The additional plus is that there is no stop button at all. The only way to stop it is to leave the program. Quite neat, as that give the will-power less tools for fighting.

If you also have a problem with overthinking your writing, you could always give it a try. There is something motivational in the pressure and there is no bigger pressure for a writer than watching the words disappear into oblivion.

You can download the plugin from:

Just Bit Me Already [Star Trek Fanfiction]

Jim had entered the CMO office. He stood there, just inside the doorway, as he looked at Leonard crouched body nested in front of his desk. He knew that Leonard already knows that he is there, but for some reason is not acknowledging him.

He stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him. Only Leonard's and his override would be able to open the door now, though they could still engage the audio system to send them messages.

Jim came closer and put the hand on Leonard's arm. He could feel the already tensed body of Leonard tense even more. The body felt hard like stone, but with the stored energy of the fedder.

"Don't." said Leonard. But there was no additional movement in his body.

"Bones, look at me." said Jim, as he tried to guide Leonard's body toward him, but he was unmovable. "Bones, please."

Jim waited some more, hoping for any kind of reaction. But there was none, as Jim sighed. "We are all alive. Stop worrying."

There was a pause for close to half a minute, before Leonard spoke: "That is no what I am worried about."

Jim titled his head. He removed his arm and he took a sit on the table next to Leonard's body. "Talk to me, Bones."

"Jim..." started Leonard. His voice, before still calm, took somehow more high picked tone to it.

Jim stood there, all patient. He wanted to do something, anything, to get Leonard moving. But he knew from experience that in most cases Leonard needed the time come to his decision and start moving in that direction.

"Jim, please, just leave me, please." Leonard said, his voice still having this high pitched quality to it.

"Bones, let me help." Jim said, as he leaned forward, trying to see how Leonard's face look like.

But this was a mistake. As soon as Jim's face came closer, Leonard's arm moved with unprecedented speed, and pulled him closer to his face.

But the next moment, Jim was falling forward, caching himself. He looked up and saw Leonard on the opposite corner. His pupils were wide and his arms were shaking. His eyes were changed, colder, harder. His teeth were longer, biting on his lower lip.

Jim blinked. He had never seen Leonard like that before. He stood up, but then he stopped as Leonard started to shake his head.

"Don't come closer!"

Jim stopped, but then he took a deep breath and came closer. He could see Leonard closing his eyes, keeping them shut, when he came closer. Like he did not want to see Jim there right now.

Jim knelled in front of him, as he took in the whole appearance. Not only Leonard's face, but Leonard's wounds and the blood of both him and Spock that was still on his clothes.

Jim put one hand in the back of Leonard's head, his fingers gently grabbing Leonard's hair. He then leaned forward and pecked Leonard's nose.

Leonard opened his eyes wide. He instinctively tried to move back, but that only brought Jim closer to his body.

Jim smiled. "It is fine." He moved his head on the side, giving Leonard good access to his neck. "Take what you need."

Leonard was like a statue. There was not even any indication that there was breathing, even though Jim knew that unlike the legends, they do breath most of the time. It was like a tense wire, about to snap.

The next time Jim was aware of was that we was pushed on the floor, and Leonard stood up, unlocking the lock with superhuman speed and running away from the room.

Jim brought himself up. That went well. He sat up, waiting a minute or two.

"Computer, locate Leonard McCoy." he said to the air.

"Leonard McCoy is currently in his quarters." the voice of the computer said.

Jim stood up and exited the office for the main med-bay.

When he entered the main med-bay, he was stopped by M'Benga, who waived him closer. Jim contemplated ignoring him for a moment, but then he made his way to him. They are also part of the family, even if not the one he really wanted to see right now.

"Is Leonard alright?" asked M'Benga, as he indicated at the med-bay. doors.

Jim though about for a second then shrugged. "Down there..., it was bad." was what he offered. "I am sure he is just shaken up."

"Shaken up enough to forget about the post-mission check up?" M'Benga asked. "Even after he looks like that?"

"I am sure most of it was not his." said, Jim as he glanced toward the doors.

M'Benga's eyes were piercing, but then he turned around. "Go. Obviously you are also worried about him."

Jim looked at him in surprise, and then made his way to the Leonard's quarters.

But when he wanted to enter them, normal code, or even his captain override were not working. Jim looked at it in confusion. Leonard was in there, so why isn't he letting him in.

He knocked on the doors. "Bones? Open the door."

He waited, but there was no response. "Bones? I know that you are in there. Stop hiding already."

Still no response, so he straightened. "Doctor McCoy, open the door right now!"


Jim stopped, not knowing if he really heard that or just imagined it. He tired to calm down. "You know that if you don't, I am just going to hack them."

"Jim, just..." the Leonard's voice wavered. "Don't."

Jim was really tempted to just hack the doors open, but then he simply sat down, his back to the doors. "You are not really going to make me wait in the hallway?"

Now that we was listening carefully, he could hear the shuffling on the other side of the door. It looked like, just like Jim, Leonard was sitting on the other side of the door.

"M'Benga was worried about you. Said you ignored the post-mission check up." Jim looked to the door. "Not that I blame you."

There was silence on the other side, but he knew that Leonard was listening.

"I thought you needed human blood to heal." said Jim, when he let the head fall back.

Jim could hear some rustling. "You are not going to give up, will you?" said Leonard, but his voice was defeated. "It helps." He eventually offered.

Jim figured out that there is something more to is, but he could not figured out what. "What are you so worried about then? Just take some. I offered."

Leonard signed. "You are my family, Jim."

"And I consider you mine, Bones." Jim said. "So. Let. Me. Help. You."

Leonard was quiet for a moment, but Jim knew that he was just gathering his thought. "I can't because you are my family."

Jim blinked. "You are going to have to expand on that."

"Family is..." Leonard stopped. "You are... Jim, you can't consent to something that you don't know."

"That's hypocritical. You never cared when it came to other people." said Jim.

"They were all drugged! They never remembered!" said Leonard with a voice stronger than before, when it fall into quiet one for the last confession. "They didn't matter."

Jim decided that enough is enough and he started to hack into the panel. He knew that Leonard could hear what he was doing, but he really did not want to have this conversation without visual cues.

It took a couple of minutes, but eventually the doors opened and Jim managed to came inside. He let the doors close behind him. Leonard was no longer at the door, but that was to be expected. He made his way to the main room, noticing Leonard sitting on the bed.

Deciding that he did not want to spook him, he sat down on the sofa. "If I suggest that you drug me as well, you are not going to take it well, will you?" asked Jim. His voice was playful, as to break the atmosphere between them, but his face was serious.

"Don't joke about this, Jim." said Leonard.

"I don't find this a joking matter, but apparently you do." said Jim, letting all the fake playfulness drop away. "I can't believe that you would rather get help from people that are trying to kill you than me." Jim's voice was cold with these last words.

Leonard looked up at Jim's face. "Jim, I... you..." he then shook his head.

Jim then came closer, and he sat next to Leonard, his hand slowly moving behind his back. "I trust you."

"That makes one of us." said Leonard.

Jim could feel the tension slowly leaking from Leonard's body. He let a small smile appear on his face. He knew that he already won, and he knew that Leonard also knew.

Leonard, looked up, but he was not looking at Jim. The starred there for a while, then he turned to Jim. "You sure about this?"

"Do you really need to ask?" asked Jim.

Leonard nodded, and then turned his body, so he was completely turned to Jim, and slowly guided his backwards on the bed.

Jim made himself conformable, as he smiled at Leonard. "Is this leading then to somewhere else?" he asked.

Leonard's hands above his body stilled. "No." said Leonard, as he knelled next to the bed, his head next to his arm. He slowly moved his finger up in down Jim's arm, right along the gap between radius and ulna. He watched Jim's face.

Jim was looking back at him, a question on his face, but otherwise he was relaxed. He figured that Leonard knows what he is doing. Leonard brought the arm closer to his mouths, but Jim's only smiled in encouragement.

When Leonard bit him, the first feeling that he felt was a hot pain, and he tensed and grimaced. The pain than turned to the throbbing, nothing that he could not handle. He felt himself relaxing, letting his head turn upwards and he closed his eyes.

It also felt safe, in a really weird way. It felt like home, but also like danger. Kind of like the Enterprise. He felt confusion. He looked deeper and found out that this feeling has emotions behind him: family, home, protectiveness, possessiveness. The last one gave him a pause. He did not feel possessive of anybody, right? The only one that showed any kind of possessiveness recently was...

He wanted to turn his head at Leonard, but he was too lightheaded and it made the whole room spin. He could start feeling the headache and the darkness started to descend on his eyes, when there was no more pressure on the arm, but he could feel hands on his face. He though that he could hear Leonard's voice, but before he could figure out what he wanted, he let the darkness take him.

Jim woke up quite rested. He blinked his eyes, then noticed that he has a IV hooked to his arm. He then looked at his other arm, and he saw the bandages that they were not there before. He smiled, as he remembered what happened.

"How are you feeling?" came the question from the other side of the room.

Jim sat up, careful of the IV, and looked at Leonard. "Quite rested." he said.

"Considering you finally slept eight hours for once, I am not surprised." Leonard said, as he rolled his eyes.

Jim pouted at him, and Leonard shook his head. Jim was just glad that at least it appeared that Leonard was in a better mood than when they came back from the mission. Still, the distance was too large for Jim's taste, so he tried to stand up.

Leonard was there in a blink, and he put the hand on Jim's chest, his face scowling. He had the tricorder in his other hand. "Can't you for once try and stay in bed?"

"Boring." Jim shrugged. “There are always planets to see, aliens to meet.”

Leonard was starring at the tricorder, his hands gripping it. “It seems that your vitals are normal. At least by your standards.”

“I resent that.” Jim said, but it was said in the playful manner.

Leonard rolled his eyes. He put the tricorder down. Usually by now he would be giving Jim hell for his decisions, but instead he was simply looking at different medical supplies.

I Didn't Run Away Because Of You [Star Trek Fanfcition]

Jim was flirting with one of the follow cadets, when Leonard noticed him. The man at the bar was staring at him. This would not be that unusual, as he was in the bar with Jim, but for one thing. Leonard recognized this person as one of Starfleet Intelligence. He turned back to Jim, who was glancing at him, while the green-head clearly just wanted Jim to go with her.

Bones raised his glass to Jim. "Have fun."

Jim did not seemed that certain, but he still allowed the green-hair to drag him away.

Leonard felt his body relaxing. He looked back at the Intelligence man, who was still looking at him. Leonard smirked, and he tipped his glass back, putting the last of the whiskey inside him. He than stood up and made his way to the bar. He waived the bartender over.

"Two sherries, one for me and one for the gentleman here." Leonard said, as he turned to the man, still watching his.

The waiter nodded, but none of the men say him. Leonard was the first one that broke the silence: "Leonard McCoy." he said, as he sat down to the stool next to the man.

"Limace Colzat." the man said.

The sherries were brought and the man took him, taking the sip from it. Leonard ignored his for now.

They were making small talk for a couple of minutes. Limace was just telling him about his fake job, when Leonard leaned forward and whispered: "I was hoping for something a little more exciting." Leonard looked at the direction Jim disappeared not ten minutes ago. "But maybe you were really interested in Jim."

Leonard admitted this man was not bad. If he was not looking for it, he would not have noticed how he tensed at his first comment and then relaxed at the second. It was seen in just the edge of the eyebrows, one of the parts that is more emotionally than cognitive controlled.

Leonard now took his sherry and took a sip from it. He did not want to show that it was too sweet for him. He was looking at the man.

Limace was thinking for a couple of seconds, then shrugged. "Why not? My apartment is around 5 minutes by foot."

Leonard smiled, as he stood up, letting the person indicate where to go.

They walked side-by-side to the alley close-by. Leonard didn't hear or smell anybody else close-by and he took the hypo into his hand, swiftly putting it in the Limace's neck. The man turned around, pushing something is his hand toward Leonard.

Leonard managed to diverted it from his chest, but he still ended up with the wooden stick in his stomach. And it hurt. He pushed the stick out.

Limace put the the other hand to his neck. He was leaning on the wall, barely holding up. "What did you shot me with?"

Leonard looked at him with the raised eyebrows. "Some muscle relaxant and something special that will make you forget this night." He then took another hypo. "And a painkiller." He pushed the contents of the hypo in the neck.

The man looked at him with wide eyes. "You really are one of them." He voice was quivering a little. His muscles were no longer able to support him, so he slid down the wall.

Leonard paid him no mind, as he crouched next to him, rummaging through his pockets. He checked his wallet, his communicator, but he spend the most time on his PADD.

It took him a couple of minutes, but he eventually left the wiped PADD there, the information safely somewhere else. He then grimaced, as he looked at the wound on his stomach. He looked Limace up and down and shrugged. He smelled horrible, but the need is a need.

Leonard felt his teeth changing, and he grabbed the person's hand, sinking his fangs into his arm. He grimaced at the taste, but continued drinking, as he could feel the blood slowly restoring his body.

He stopped, taking the aseptic from his medkit and cleaning the wound. He just put it back and tired to take the wrapping out, when he heard a person walking in this direction. Instead of it, he took the hypo, preparing to stab the person as soon as he came close. He really did not need any witnesses, when the familiar smell hit him.


Leonard's froze. There was just one person that smelled like that. Just one person that called him like that. The last person that we wanted to see here.

"Weren't you with that cadet?" Leonard asked, hoping that Jim is not coming any closer.

But he did not have this luck, as Jim came closer. "She just wanted to borrow my notes on the Interplanetary..." As Jim stopped talking, he also stopped walking.

Bones risked glancing to him, and he could see his eyes going from the bloody stick on the ground, to the barely conscious man, the wound on his arm, the blood on Leonard's face and the blood on his clothes.

Jim took a step back, as he looked wide-eyed at Leonard. "You are a vampire."

"Jim... this wasn’t how I wanted you to find out." Leonard said, as he turned around, looking at Jim.

There were steps in the viciancy, and the voice were coming closer, and both Jim and Leonard looked in that direction. Jim looked back at Leonard, his face was taunt. Then he run away from the alley.

Leonard complemented going after him for a second, but the he just sighed as turned back to the Limace. Going after Jim in the state he was right now could let he to do things he really did not want to force Jim into. He finished wrapping the wound, cleaned his face and anonymously called the Starfleet Medical from the public phone. No need to make their job easier, before moving back into his apartment.

Leonard was looking around the apartment, checking if there is anything left, that could implicate him in what he was. He turned around, as he heard the door open.

Jim was standing in the doorway. His hands, face and torso were stained with blood, some of it was Jim's and some of it wasn't. Jim tired to took a step forward, but his legs gave away from under him.

Leonard was there, catching him in his arms, and dragged him back into the room. He could felt Jim tense in his arms. It must be when he realized who was dragging him. He sat him on his bed, grateful that the smell of alcohol was strong enough to almost overpower the normal Jim's smell. At least his wound had time to heal, so resisting the hunger was easier.

Jim looked around, his eyes landing on the bag next to Leonard's bed. His eyes narrowed, and he looked at Leonard.

Leonard was putting the needed things for treatment from the medkit, and then he continued to stand there. He absentmindedly picked up the hypo and twilled it in his hands.

"A cleanup?" Jim asked from his bed.

At these words Leonard snapped out of it and looked at the hypo, and put it on the table. He then took a different hypo, but shook his head and put is back down. He took the sterilizator and regenerator and walked back to Jim.

Jim looked at him, still drunk, as Leonard first cleaned and healed the cuts and abrasions on his hands, then face and then torso. He then picked up the tricorder and checked if there was any other damage. He spend more time in the head area, checking for neurological damage, even if it was just a concussion.

"Why?" Jim asks in the middle of it, but Leonard decides to ignore the questions.

After he finished, he took of Jim's shoes and lay Jim on the bed. He made his way back to the table, aware of Jim's eyes on him the entire time. He looked at the offending hypo he left before, sighing and picking it up. He sat next to Jim, still having the hypo in his hand, but not doing anything with it.

Jim put his arm up. He missed once, but the second time he grabbed the hand holding the hypo. He put the hypo next to his neck. Leonard was sure he was trying to smirk, but seeing as he was drunk, the result was not satisfactory.

He looked at the hypo on the neck for a couple of seconds. He then shook his hand free and stood up. He put the covers around Jim, and walked to his part of the room. When he turned back, Jim was already sleeping.