Blog of Sara Jakša

Why Are Standards Important?

Long ago, before the internet was what it was today, there were already computer webs. But each web was a system for itself. They were be able to communicate with themselves, but not with anybody else.

If there was somebody else, that wanted to communicate with the system, they needed to use their protocols.

For example, a supplier might have to write a separate programs for each big costumer.

But than the internet came. Connections suddenly came with IP4 system and they didn't need additional programs for different people or organizations with different specifications.

A lot of technology is like that. Another example are electronic sockets. Different in continental Europe than in Great Britain. So you better not be buying continental electronic appliance to use in Great Britain and vice versa.

But wouldn't it be better, if we wouldn't have to worry about that?

Or the DVDs. I can want to learn Korean as much as I want, but there DVDs won't work for me. Different region. But at least the standard is clear about that. And I can be sure, that I can watch all DVDs in my region.

These are just some of the examples. But I have one, just to get you thinking. In what format do you send a text document through the internet?

The question is more complicated than it looks. Some people don't know how to open a normal text (.txt) file. Some refuse to open Mycroft's files (.doc). Some simply do not have a program to open newer Mycroft's files (.docx). Some only have old word, and they cant open Open Office formats (.odf). Most can't change pdf files.

If you think, that the above questions are hypothetical, they are not. Behind each question stands a person with belief or technology, that they don't want to change.

So what do you use than? Wouldn't it be simpler, to just have a standards and use them?

Is It Wrong To Be Negative?

Lets be positive. Think positively. Have happy thoughts. And a lot of different variation on the same theme. I don't know about you, but I have been hearing messages like that for years.

Every time, I tell people, I expect the worst from the situation, I hear it. You have to be more positive.

Just like yesterday, when I told a friend, that, she had the same answer. Or hearing I am to critical. I am cynical. Or anything similar, that people just not want to see in people.

But is it really bad to be negative? Not expecting the universe to move on our command and brings us everything on the silver platter.

But what I think is the problem here is, that people, in order to simplify the solutions, the make two problems into one. Since simple solutions are replicated on a wider audience and are easier to understand and usually easier to implement.

The first aspect is mindset. The way people think. What they expect. The second is action. How people act.

I have asked a couple of people. Everybody answered me, that positive people take action and negative people only criticise. Not doing anything constructive.

Not having a large pool of people, the findings aren't scientifically, but the possible trend did emerge. People think of this two problems as one.

I have a negative mindset, but most people meeting me would not have guessed it. Because I violate their expectations. I expect the worst, have doubts all the time, finding faults in everything. Does that mean, I don't try new things and don't have a smile on my face?

The answer is no. I try a lot of new things. I find them interesting. But like with everything, I expect to fall. To make mistakes.

So what happens, when I do fall? Nothing. I expected it, so all the fear and nervousness disappear. Not hard feeling. Lets try it again. Or something else.

But if I succeed? I am pleasantly surprised, since the results were better than expected. I feel like the happy hormones had rushed into my brain.

But this combination, negative mindset and action oriented personality have one drawback. Waiting. When I have to wait for something, the gear and the nervousness sometimes makes me unable to eat. And I imagine all sorts of different negative scenarios. That are getting worse, the longer I wait.

Not everybody should change their mindset to negative. But it is not wrong to have a negative mindset, if that is your predisposition. As long as it is not an excuse.

What Did I Learn About Discipline

I had been a karate assistant teacher for almost a year. Among my responsibilities was also guide the exercise once a week without help.

There is nothing that teaches you about the discipline, that having to lead the people, that you had trained together for years. Especially, if they are early teenagers, more often than not trying to get the easiest way out. And they are not going to listen easily to a person, that was perceived as their equal just a day ago.

The first lesson that I learned, is to leverage the gregarious instinct as much as possible. The older members wants to work out, so they will listen to me, if we were doing something. So I learned, that if I have at least one older member in the group, the whole process is easier.

Not that older trainees have no problems. But getting their respect, and having their authority follows a more logical approach. I have to appear to know what I am doing and ask for their opinion from time to time. I tend to lean more in the way for asking about my job to much, and I had to learn to make my own decision and at least appear that I know what to do.

These techniques do not work on the younger people. They want to have fun and sometimes they are simply not in the mood to exercise.

The first lesson that I learned is, that I need to be stubborn. They need to get at least some exercise. That means, that I had to be firm and make sure they got it. I helped that they figured it out, that I am not that easy swayed.

The example was, when the main trainer told me, that we have to get over all the techniques for the next examinations. A told them, that we are going to go through it. We repeated every technique, until they executed it at least plausibly. They tried to make me give up, by doing a horrible job, but I did not sway. After that, I had a lot less trouble with their discipline.

The other thing that I learned, that they like some parts of the work out better than others. I know that for example, my group prefers fighting to katas and katas to basic techniques. But they like the self defence the most. So I try to incorporate at least some of the things that they like in the trening.

I figured it out, that if they need to work out in pairs, even if I am constantly watching, they tend to not work as hard. That is why, since we have a small group, I try to work in pairs with every single person. If the workout is intense, then I let the others get their breath back, otherwise I try to give them some easy exercises for strength or explosive power to do.

I also give them that kind of exercise, if they have too much energy and are as that harder to control. But I make sure we stop soon after I hear the first complains.

If I have only younger people in my group, then I finish with relaxation. They try some moves, that they had seen in the movies or they think are cool or they are jumping on the cushion. Or trying some exercise, like they give a hypothetical situation and we try to find the best way out. We also talk about many things in that time.

But I am lucky, that I could start with the small group, that are really supportive of me. These lessons are my beginning and I can't wait to try my skill on a bigger group in the future.

How Did I Stop Eating Meat

Becoming vegetarian was my first diet change, that I had made to my lifestyle. I decided to share with all of you, how did I become the vegetarian, and what were the pitfalls, that I had fallen in and successes that I had.

The whole story started around November 2011. I decided to become the vegetarian, this time for a longer period of time after already trying it for shorter amount of time.

I had one month vegetarian periods, where I had not eaten any meat, so I knew I am capable of doing that. But I had never before tried it for more than a month. Mostly because I didn't trust myself to have sufficient self-discipline. The other reason was, that I was afraid, of how my parents are going to react, seeing as my dad is a big consumer of meat and my mother is a person, that worries about everything.

But since I wanted to permanently try and change my lifestyle for better, I chose that as my first challenge. I was not satisfied with the way I lived back then, and I am still not satisfied with it right now (but I am more content by it every month).

My rules to myself were as follows: I am going to start with 30 months, and I am not allowed to stop during that time. After that, I am only allowed to stop, if my body tells me that or if I start experiencing any health problems (even if the two were closely connected).

Before I even started with my quest, I had to tell my mother. She is the type of person, that is buying food and cooking for all of us. But she never asks in advance, about our preferences and she is then all disappointed, if we are not all happy and satisfied with her care. I simply did not want to suffer the constant complaining, that would have followed.

She was understanding, and she only inquired, when I am going to start. But she looked unsure, like she was convinced, that I am going to fall. The first couple of days

The first day went all right. It was after all only a day.

The second day, the whole 'you don't have to do it now' operation started. My mother was the one that started it. She was trying to convince me, that I could always start again on the later day and to eat meat just this once more. But I am stubborn, and even thought I knew, that I could just start again, if I fell, I wanted to hold on for as much as possible (interesting to note, that when I decided to become vegetarian for a month, everybody was supportive, but for a lifetime, everybody tried to change my mind). So even though I was aware of the possibility of failure, I decided to adopt Edison's approach. He didn't give up after hundreds of failures, and the only thing he said is, that he had found some many ways, that simply didn't work.

I also figured out, when did I prefer to eat meat. We usually had some leftover meat from last lunch, just sitting there on the counter. I am lazy and it was easy to just grab the meat instead of cooking something. I also hate to throw food away.

In order to fight the pull to the meat, I started experimenting in kitchen and I made a couple of mushrooms receipt, that were all finished in under 20 minutes (some of them even under 10 minutes).

The pull was strong, but it was not there, where my first failure had met me.

Here came into play my biggest nemeses in staying vegetarian, my father. He was finally made aware, that I am trying to become the vegetarian. He is of the opinion, that the people, that do not eat meat are not normal and annoying. And had the most powerful weapon in his hands - the knowledge of my favourite meat food and how to make them just the way I like it. He was convinced I could pull 1 month (had seen me before), but I will always came back to eat meat. Meat lovers can't change and they always return to eating meat.

The first tactic that he used was teasing. Every single time, I came to eat, he would ask some meat related questions. Some examples were: -Did you eat any meat today? -Should I make you some meat? -Are you getting sick, not eating any meat? -Do you want some [insert some name for meat here]? -Do you want some of it? (While showing his food with the meat inside)

I managed to stay on my course, so he brought the perfect weapon. He made golaz. It was my favourite food with meat or more likely is has the first place together with some of the see food.

I have to say, that I had eat it, but as soon as it was gone, I simply started to count from the beginning, how many days did I managed to go without meat. I did not make an exception like that again, since I knew the danger and I managed to stand my ground and not eat it next time.

I have to say, after a couple of months, the habit of not eating any meat was already deeply integrated into me. Then I had the seminar with my karate's club and we went to the hotel. Being in the hotel, we were having the all-you-can-eat buffet. With one problem. The only things, that weren't meat, were rice, fruit and the things, that I didn't like. We had pasta once, but that was all (it probably would have been different, if we didn't go the the least developed region in our country in a small hotel - the only one in the city). In that moment I realized, that eating in hotels in going to always be complicated, if I am to continue with my eating reign. In that moment I decided, that I am going to allow myself to eat fish and seafood, when I am outside, and there is not other alternative. But I still refused to eat any other meat.

After more than I year, I can say, that I don't regret my decision. I had become more lax in my rules, but I still prefer to not eat any meat, if I have a chance. All the urges had disappear, and even if I am put in the situation, that I am required to eat meat, the feeling of wanting meat doesn't come back.

Everybody around me just accepted, that I am a vegetarian, and unless anybody would have counted the teasing from my father, if I want to eat meat, nobody even comments any more (my grandmother sometimes forgets and asks me, if I am still vegetarian, but only once every couple of months).

My mother gained a new respect for me, since she started asking me for help with her habits change (but she didn't like my suggestions).

But the most important lesson that I learned is, that no matter what, I should not give up on something I want to do, no matter, how many times I fall.

The Basics In Giving Feedback

I once heard the story about two writing groups. In one group, the feedback was concentrated on the things, that the members were doing wrong, and in the second group, the feedback was consisted mostly of the the things, that the writers did right. After a couple of years, none of the people in the second group were writing anymore. But from the people of the second group, some were even published authors already.

As illustrated by the above story, the type of feedback can make or break a person. It is true, that just as there exist as many of different people, there is also true, that everybody will take the feedback differently. Some might be more offended than other. For some, it might leave a bigger impact the others. But there are some common themes in giving feedback, that you could, or not, if that is you wish, use to try and minimize the damage, while trying to optimize the outcome.

So what is feedback? Feedback is the reverse process, and it goes from output to input. It carries the information about the process and it shows, that the process give the desired results, or not. In case of the latter, there can also be information about how to improve, not only what to improve.

We know to types of feedback, as shown in the story on the beginning, the positive and the negative feedback.

The positive feedback is made to encourage. Just remember the last time somebody told you, that you are doing something really good. You probably felt more courage, and you self-confidence increased. You needed less security behind you, and you were more centered in yourself, the next time you had to do it. It also have a good effect on your motivation.

The positive only feedback also have some drawbacks. The first one is, that the changes only came in increments. The only positive feedback does not have the information, if your whole path is wrong. The radical changes are rare and difficult for people to see. The other pitfall is that after some time, you only start nodding along, no longer having the same effect on you. On the other hand, should the positive feedback stop, people can start asking themselves, that did they do wrong, some will start self-criticizing and some of them will fall into pessimism, or even depression.

The negative feedback does deal with most of the positive feedback drawbacks. Since it concentrates on what it doesn’t work, you know what to work on. You are more likely to scrap the whole process, if it doesn’t work and start from scratch. Also, they are sometimes the only thing, that can raise us from the OK-plateau.

But since it is not motivational, there is a lot bigger change of people quitting, since they will have a feeling, that they are not good for that and they will never approve, so they quit.

Rounding the above couple of paragraph, we can see, that for a effective feedback, we need the negative and the positive feedback, preferably together.

What I am doing the most, is staying objective. When I am giving feedback, I don’t judge, I normally not ask for reasons and I don’t expect anything. If a person is late, I tell him that he was late, but I keep any type of judgement out of it. If they did something right, I mention it to them as well, so to tell them, that I had notice. But I am not making a big deal out of it. I am using this, because in my opinion, people want to be the best they can, but in order to do that, they have to know, where they are right now. Being noticed also helps with the performance.

The other one that I sometimes use is the feedforward. I use it, when I am trying to make a person see their mistake more clearly. Asking open questions, I get him to think or talk and see,l what will happened in the future, if they continue doing that. How it will impact their own life and how will it impact the society and the ecosystem, that they live in it. We usually came to understanding, and they change. But I only use that method, when I think there could be big consequences, if they continue doing that.

But for start, just think about what kind of feedback you want to get, and try to start giving that type of feedback to others. If you add your knowledge to what kind of feedback do they want, you are going to make a great evaluator.

What Did Blood Donation Taught Me About Fear And Failure

One day, I decided to give away my blood.

In a way, it was a spontaneous decision and in a way, it wasn't. I was listening to the speech in the Toastmasters meeting, and then it hit me. I wasn't the only one, as one of the other members also mentioned it.

So, being nervous, I wasn’t be able to sleep, spending all night reading. My parents advised me, not to go, but I didn't listen to them. I eat my breakfast, just as it was written on the webpage and left.

There I was walking in front of the building, collecting courage to go inside. I even went into an argument about it with myself. But then I took a breath and walked inside, trying not to think.

I came to the first nurse and the she asked me who am I and if I am there for the first time. Then giving away a drop of my blood to determine the blood type. The next room, with the questionnaire.

It was all happening so fast, that I started to panic a little. I was getting hot and my world spined and blackened for a moment, as I went to get my hemoglobin levels checked. Luckily, I was sitting at the table and leaned my head down, before I lost counchness.

Thankfully, I came around quickly, so they didn't notice. But they still called a doctor and she give me a glass of water and made me lean down. She also declared me unable to give blood away.

In the time, I was leaning down, some other doctor came. As she saw, that I still did give blood, she told me next words: "You can always try in a couple of months. Or find a different way to help people."

After feeling better, I went home. But the words of the second doctor stayed with me.

No matter what my fears are, there is nothing wrong in comforting it. Things can still end unfavorable or just not in the imagined way, but the lessons learned, the feeling of having overcome something inside myself. That is worth it. A step is enough. There is always another time for another step.

If I fall the first time, there is always another time. No matter how many times I fall, I can always try again. Or as the japanese proverb goes, falling seven times, standing eight times. A person is not a failure as long as he gets back up.

But sometimes there are other ways to achieve the same results, so I know to keep my eyes open and look for different ways to live the life that I want in accordance to my values. Helping other people to that as well (if they want my help and I am capable of giving it).

Do We Concentrate On Our MBTI Strengths Or Weaknesses

I have recently started to get interested in the personality types, and the subject, that got me most interested was MBTI personality types.

MBTI (or for the one not aware, Myers-Briggs Indicator) is a instrument that drives people into 16 groups based on the Jung's personality functions. They are divided into two groups, the group that is about, how we accept information and the second group, about how me make decisions.

As I began reading more literature about personality, there is always some underlying assumption, that we should try to control our personality traits. While the original literature tries to make us see, that we are different, and that does not mean, that some of us are better or worse, quite some of the literature, that is trying to help us reach goals or become a better person, to go against our nature.

One of the examples that I have encountered recently is, that is being the employee, we, as in the people being T type of making decision, should make sure, that we take other people into account and make sure they feel competent or overall good.

What I see wrong with that example, is that I think that while discussing something, or evaluating somebody, the truth always take precedence before peoples feelings. I always prefer to hear that I am a complete shit at something and I should have seen the psychiatrist about my mental problems, that people trying to apply to my so called "emotional" side, and downplay my mistakes. So, while not believing in god, I do agree with one of the Jesus' sayings: "Do what you want to be done to you".

There was also a discussion in out Toastmasters meeting about this subject. That harsh criticism will only hurt the person, and the person will bub into himself and not get anything positive from the evaluation. That is why, everybody should always use the sandwich technique for giving evaluation, and only express one negative thing per evaluation.

But when I am giving the evaluation, the times when I was most thanked for it, was the time when I give really thoughtful evaluation, and point out everything that was either bad, average or good. I once make a really negative evaluation of the speech, and the person thanked me for it, saying that he needs, in his words: "a really wanking in the head".

So as I had been given different signals for similar channels, about what is supposed to be right. But then two things made my mind clear on the subject.

First was the internet conversation on forum, when somebody wrote, that one of the best things in the relationship between INTP and INTJ people was that they could skip the pumping of the ego and go straight on the negative opints.

The second was a conversation about sincerity, that I had with my family, regarding the NLP and politics. It went in the direction, that you can't manipulate somebody by knowing NLP, since people in subconsciousness know, what is playing and what is sincere. The example gives was our current President, Borut Pahor, and how he got most political points in the eyes of the people, when he was driven into a corner and stopped acting.

I think that we should be playing at our strengths, and not our weaknesses. That meaning, in the above example, that the T type of the personality would stick to logical and direct approach and the F type personality can stick to trying to make everybody work together and not offending anybody. Since we will be playing at our strengths and not out not prefered way, we are going to be better in it and we are going to be more sincere.

As the added effect, saying the truth is also good for health. So do not be afraid to be who you are.

Productivity Is Like A Sinus Function

As I had listened to my mother, she seems to have a really interesting life. One day, she is really productive, have a lot of energy and gets green lights all the time - literally and figuratively speaking.

But on some days, there is nothing right for her. Business deals don’t work, she doesn’t do anything productive and even while driving a car, she only gets red lights.

Most of us knows days like that, the good and the bad. The excellent and the horrible. But what I realized, that by seeing how productive the day I feel is, is how other things just line the same. (The better the day the better the opportunities.)

Productivity is an entity, that lead us through ups and downs. In the ideal world, we could probably plot it as a sinus function.

Just like a sinus function, you can manipulate the productivity as well. I am going to start the explanation by assuming, that the basic function for sinus is y=sin(x).

The first transformation of the sinus function is the amplitude change. The mathematical function for it is y=a sin(x). It stretches the graph, so the ups are higher and downs are lower.

That change is usually achieved with will power or as I call them a couple of days habits. This is the time, when there is a lot of energy and enthusiasm for a couple of days, and then everything returns to normal or in some cases to worse.

The example of this change for me is my running. I could never stick with my habit of running. I might go for a day or two, but I had always give up by the end of the weekend.

The second transformation that I want to talk about is period change. The change is expressed in the formula y=sin(ax). It stretches the graph in horizontal ways, do the ups take more time, as do downs.

This change is in my opinion achieved with motivation. I know I have weeks, when I am more motivated for something, and then weeks, when I am not. And then again. And again. So the circle continues.

The example of that, is my Japanese languages learning. There are weeks, sometimes even months, when I am super productive, and then my motivation falls and I do a lot less in the next weeks. Then I find some new inspiration and my motivation rises again.

The last transformation I want to talk about is vertical shift. It is a transformation, where the whole graph shift up or down. The formula describing that is y=sin(x)+a.

That are habits. The good habits, that bring mental clarity and better energy are the ones, that pull the graph and with that productivity up, and the habits, that sap the energy and mental clarity are the ones that work in reversal.

Some of the habits, that help me keep the productivity up are everyday walks and eating a lot of fruits. The habits that bring me down are internet readings and my fears. But these habits are different from people to people.

Comparing the sinus function and the productivity is just a model, what means, that there are some simplifications. But still, think about what bring your productivity up and what brings it down. Also, when you have a bad day, remember, that that only means, that there is a good day around the corner. Or as the saying goes: ‘There is always the sun after the rain’.

A Quick Guide To Finding Your MBTI Type

People are different from each other. Not one person is the same as the other. But sometimes it seems, that the world wants to take as identical parts of the same entity. So some people start perceiving some of the qualities in people as better and some as worst.

But all of that is just a perceptions. Jung wrote is his Psychological Types, that different ways in which people work are not better or worse, just different. Based on the theory in his book, Isabel Briggs Myers put it in a way, that is more understandable even to the people, that do not have the time, to read and understand theoretical psychology.

MBTI system knows the 16 personality types, that came with 4 dimensions. The first is where people get energy (Extrovert or Introvert), the second how they get the information (Sensing and iNtuition), the third is how the process the information (Thinking and Feeling) and the last how they deal with the world (J or P). By placing the four letters one after another, we get the name of the personality type.

Introvert and Extrovert

The introvert and extrovert functions deal with how people managed their energy, when is the focus of their world and how they deal with people.

The introvert people are the one, that have a focus on subjective. These are people, that are affected more by the processes inside of them then by the outside influences. They pause before speaking as they prefer to to think quietly and only came out with their opinion already formed. They get more energized by being and working alone, and being in the group environment tires them out. They also prefer to reflect before acting and then reflect again after acting.

The extravert people are people, that have an objective and external world as a focus. They are influenced by the changes in their environment and situations outside of their head, as opposed to internal processes. They usually speak immediately, forming their mind through talking. They get energized by being in the group and communicating, making social activities recharging for them, which makes them good for working in teams. They act before they think and overall prefer action before reflection.

If you find yourself more a introvert type, write down an I and if you are more an extrovert type, write down an E.

Sensing and Intuition

The sensing and intuitive function are about the way people get their informations. How do they trust their senses and intuition, how they work with the big picture vs. details and what is the best way for them to get information.

The intuitive types of people are the ones, that are more comfortable with abstract information and their intuition as opposed to their senses. They are the ones, that explore the possibilities, and are spontaneous as result of that. They work and trust people based on hunches and intuition. They see the big picture, but they are usually missing the details from it. They are more comfortable by getting a load of information at the same time, as they shuffle through it, discarding the unnecessary and forming a big picture. They are throwing in the deep end of the pool type of people.

The sensing types of people, on the other hand, trust the concrete information, the information gathered through their five senses in much higher regard as something as unreliable as hunches and intuition. They are harder to convince in the idea, except if it is backed up by facts and logic. They remember a huge amount of facts, but they sometimes miss the big picture. They are the type of people, that prefer the step by step explanation, and getting the information in parts. They are very good at getting information out of practical exercise.

If you think you are more of a intuitive type of person, write down and N, and if you find yourself more in the sensing type, write down an S.

Thinking and Feeling

The thinking and feeling functions describe the thought process, more specifically, how people make a decision. Do not make a mistake, a thinking type of person is not more logical and the feeling type of person is not more emotional. It just describes the rational process of making a decision.

The thinking type of people are the one, that put justice before merci. They try to reach the decision, that seems like the most logical. They use objective criteria, not putting a lot of stress on the subjective ideas or peoples values. The like the question why and they like the debate. For them, the most important thing for them is, that the decision is the best, that is could be.

The feeling type, on the other hand, do not like disagreement, so they put people, that the decision will affect in the much higher place. They take values and subjective ideas a lot more into account instead of the objective reasons. They are more likely to show mercy, that judgement. They will reach the decision, that will keep or bring back the harmony and help people as much as possible.

If you are a thinking type of person, write down an T, and if you are a feeling type of person write down an F.

Perceiving and Judging

The perceiving and judging functions describes the people dealing with the world. How they share their findings and make a decision. How they complete the tasks. How organized they appear.

The perceiving types are the one, that do not like to make decision. They prefer to leave the decision open, and are ready to change it, based on the later information and working on the fly, with no plan. They also share their observations, not their decision. The perceiving types are the ones, that do the school work on the last day before the deadline. They are the ones, that are flexible and can work in most environment. They are the ones, that even when making the to-do list, they will not stick to it, but will still do some work done. Just not on the list. They don’t mind mixing the different parts of their life (like fun and work).

The judging types are their opposite. The will make the decision, share the decision with people, make a plan and stick to it. The ones, that will not want to change the deal latter. The people, that work with a purpose, and the people that know what they want from life. The people that have detailed long term plans. They are the people, that do the school work everyday, based on the plan. The ones that need the structure, that they are used to, to be the most productive. The once, that you can rely on, to do exactly the things, that you agreed on. Usually before the deadline. They are also people, that will keep the work and the family matters separated.

If you find yourself more in the perceiving type, write an P and if you think you are more a judging type, write an J.

Combining the four letters together, we get a name of the personal type. And you can take your type and learn more about it. Just search for it on the net.

The Ghost [BBC Sherlock Fanfiction]

John opened the door and slowly made his way to the edge of the roof, stepping on it with a hesitant step. He closed his eyes and looked up, just standing there for a moment.

The moment passed and nothing happened. The pish of wind wrapped him in warm embrace, as he opened his eyes, and looked down, to the people going in and out of the hospital.

He seated down, his legs suspended in the thin-air as he glanced at his side, just like many times before. Straining his eyes, they didn't came back the voices. He bit his lip.

"I still don't understand, why you did what you did, Sherlock."

He smiled at himself, softly. he looked around at the air. He shook his head.

"Because that is what friends do. Protect."

John didn't even looked around, and then sighed. Then he almost jumped up in the air, standing up, and touching his right shoulder, looking at him in disbelief.

Then he felt it again. A presence, a touch, this time on his forearm, as it tugged at him a little. He let the hand fall down, his eyes wide.

"Sherlock?"

His voice was strained, but also tired. He waited, until he could hear the voice again.

"I am here, John."

John looked around, but he wasn't be able to see anything. The roof was empty. Like like every other day. Almost every other day. Except that day. He gulped.

"And how did you death help anybody?"

He looked around, his eyes now focused on looking. But nothing changed.

"Because, if I didn't jump, then Moriaty would have you, Mrs. Hudston and Lestrade killed."

There was a pause, and then the presence on John arm disappeared, him starting to rob it.

"Three bullets, three gunman, three victims. The only way to stop them was my jumping."

"You mean your suicide?"

The pause that followed showed, that it was not a question.

"I was not supposed to die. I still think I did not."

John raised his eyebrows, and laughed, shaking his head.

"You are haunting me."

"So?"

Sherlock's voice sounded questioning, confused, but at the same time still on guard, full of pride.

"Sherlock, as different as you are, even you couldn't make yourself into a ghost, if you would be still alive."

There was silence again.

"Out of the body experience?"

John blinked, and then blinked again.

"For how long?"

"Since the jump."

The answer was quick. John shook his head.

"What about your body?"

The puh following that statement was dismissive. Not important matter.

"When I move away from you I start to disappear. I think that this is a way to go back into my body."

"Or afterlife."

John seated back to the edge of the roof, no longer looking around.

"So why are you still here?"

"I was worried."

"You are making me insane."

Since no reply was coming, John grabbed his forehead.

"I thought I was hearing voices for so long. Makes moving on a lot harder."

"So you would prefer to move on?"

The voice was small, uncharacteristically shy and insecure. Slow even.

"Sherlock. You were my best friend. But even I don't have suicidal thoughts or plans to follow you."

He looked at the sky, as his eyes softened even more.

"If you are dead, I have to move on anyway. But if you had really managed to cheat death, then you are a lot more useful inside your body then haunting me."

He could feel the small pressure on his shoulders and he stood up, trying to hug. It felt like it, but at the same time it didn't.

"See you later then, John."

The voice was moving away, as disappearing. John smiled.

"Good bye, Sherlock."