I would rather Lose then Destroy You [Moriarty the Patriot Fanfiction]
William was slumped on the table.
Albert could see from the stance, that William did not fall asleep at the table. Instead it was clear that William once again got overwhelmed with his guilt.
Albert paused. Was that really alright? Albert knew that it was because of William, that he was saved. It was because of William that he got the courage to live and move forward. He is nothing without William.
But all of this was at the cost of William. Albert has been seeing him like that for years now. But he did not do anything out of fear. He did not want to lose William. Or Louis. He did not want to lose the family, that he finally found.
But if it will continue this way, the William is going to self-destruct himself. Is Albert really selfish enough to take William from everybody, just because he is afraid to lose him?
He walked to William and grabbed his shoulder.
William looked up and Albert smiled at him.
"You will catch a cold if you sleep like that." he said. "Do you want Louis to trap you under the pillows again?"
"I am pretty sure that it was not because of the cold." said William, as he straightened up.
"So what are you thinking about?" asked Albert. He looked at the documents at the table. It was mostly math, so school assignments? On on the closer look, it was physics research?
But it was unusual for William to feel down when dealing with math. If William loses yet another thing to his request.
"Do you ever want to stop?"
Albert said this, before he could stop himself. He widened his eyes. That is not what he wanted to ask at all. It was careless of him to do it. He should have more self-control. He had more self-control than that.
William also had his eyes widened. He was surprised at the question. And he understood what Albert was really asking.
Would it still work, if he tries to joke about it? Or pretend it was about something else? With anybody else it would probably work, but not with William.
"Are you having second thoughts?" asked William.
"Not about the plan." said Albert immediately. This was the easy part. There was not a doubt n his heart, that his was the right path. "I want to see the plan succeed with all my being."
William just looked quietly, waiting.
Albert looked away for a moment. He needed to collect this thoughts. His lips tightened, as he was trying to gather the courage for this. It was always William that gave him courage, so he should be able to collect at least some courage for him.
Then he moved, so he was kneeling next to William putting them on the same level. He looked his straight in the eyes.
"William." he started. He waited for a second, concentrating on the inhale and exhale to ground himself. "I don't want the burden of the Lord of Crime to destroy you. Not because of my request. I would rather take the entire weight on myself."
He looked down. He was spinless, afraid of the reaction. But he needed to finish this, for William sake. "I want you to think what you want William."
"You never mentioned this." William said quietly. Albert was not even sure, if the said sentence was meant for him or not.
"I was afraid." Albert admitted. If we moved away from this criminal life, I would lose you two. Go back to..." He paused. He did not really want to think about this. He should be concentrating on William. "I am sorry for dragging you down with me. I am sorry for making you suffer so much."
There were a couple of seconds, when nothing happened. Albert was holding his breath. Then he felt the hand in his hair, moving through it. And since William was the only other person in the room. He looked up.
"I will admit, it is a lot harder than I imagined." said William. But he was looking away at the distance. "But that is not Albert's fault."
Albert chuckled in disbelief. He did not want to do this. He felt William's hands still, saw William look at him, so he explained himself. "Are you trying to make me feel better?"
"Was this also not your intention?" asked William back. "Is this not normal in the family?"
"For as long as you and Louis will have me." said Albert.
William narrowed his eyes. He was not liking something about Albert's answer, but Albert could not figure out what.
"Do you remember the promise you made in the church?" asked William.
Albert nodded. He did, with vivid clarity. "I promised you my everything."
"Then," William said as he smiled. "I want you to stay with me, until the end. Whatever end."
Albert looked at William. Then he nodded. If this is what William wanted, he was more than happy to grant it.