Blog of Sara Jakša

Do I Want to be Ignored?

I have recently seen a TEDx talk by Željko Ćurić about how to raise a suicidal person. His main hypothesis was based on the cultural underpinnings of the four countries in Europe with the highest suicide rate, Finland, Estonia, Hungary and Slovenia. I don't know if I should be proud or not, that my home country is one of the above mentioned. Not surprised though.

One thing that he noticed in this countries is, that when people are angry, they don't talk to one another, they don't even yell. They simply ignore one another. Which I have to admit is not untrue, at least for Slovenia and in accordance to my measly knowledge about Hungary.

He based this on this psychiatric practice, and I have to admit that it makes sense. Not that this is a reliable indicator, because human psychology doesn't always make sense. But there was nothing jumping out in his reasoning, in what it could be wrong.

I find it interesting, that people like to find the psychological qualities of the country to try and explain the suicide rates. For example, one of the explanations, that I have read about it before if, that people in Slovenia are introverted and aggressive.

It is interesting, that when I tell this to the Slovenia born Slovenians, they don't really agree, especially with the aggressive part. But when I tell that to the foreign living in Slovenia, they generally agree. I guess having an outside perspective helps with designating the real psychology of something or somebody.

This, together with the video that I watched about the agreeableness, made me think about my social life and how the agreeableness would be connected with this. I mean, the agreeable people are the ones that are trying to avoid the conflict, and ignoring the whole thing, the person itself, it is kind of ignoring the problem. It seems like the way most suited to deal with problems for agreeable people.

Which bring me to me, and I am not neither high on extroversion neither high on agreeableness (at least according to the tests). So I have been thinking about myself. Sadly, I also found myself employing this tactics. Normally, if I am really angry, I do try to talk to people. If this is unsuccessful, they I start ignoring them, until they are ready to talk. But now that I think about it, if ignoring the problem and/or person is how the Slovenians are dealing with the problem, then what I am doing is just pouring the oil on fire.

Well, I have also been known to sometimes ignore the problem for a couple of days, to see if it will resolve itself. Well, that is also method of ignoring I guess. I am doing this right now, as I am writing this, as I don't know how to deal with the fact that I just got a roommate.

On the other site, I would like to say that 90% of the time, I don't mind if people ignore me. But there are times when I want people to not ignore me. The problem is, because I don't actually spend a lot of time with socializing, I do sometimes get ignored even when I wouldn't want to.

Well, in these cases, I might cry for up to half an hours, and then I will move forward. It is only logical to, people have the right to control their time, and since I would like to keep this right, I have to accept the consequences. That other people don't own me their time, and that they have right to ignore me.

And don't worry, I am sure I am not going to be committing suicide just because of that. I am too scared of death for that to happen.