Blog of Sara Jakša

How I as an INTP see Social Relationships

The social relationships have always been a bit confusing for me, though I am getting the hang of it enough, to at least appear socialized. Most of the times, there are just rules that a person needs to act in accordance with, and things can go toward more or less smooth sailings.

It helps that I almost mastered rules related to this part of socialization.

The problems arise when there are conflicts with people. Then it is almost like my Ti is evaluating every possible scenario that Ne is feeding it. And I want to then come to the truth of the disagreement, so that it may never happen again.

Sure, when this happens in reality, people are not very perceptive of it, though sometimes there are exceptions.

For example, when we fight inside of our family, especially if it is with my mother (for some reason, I never had fights with my father), I then always turn analytical and start asking her questions. If I have an uncooperative partner it can look like an endless stream of why.

My mother (ENFP) hates it though. She always says that we are good, and then the same fight repeats.

Or there was an incident at my Toastmasters club. I used to be a board member, but I quit because I disagreed with the board's actions. But I was still involved in a lot of things that could be classified as the 'board' activities. So the president of the club at the time send the email asking the other board members that I need to be stopped.

She probably did not take into account that one of the board members forwarded her email to me.

So I did what I did best. I explained how I saw the situation, why I did what I do, and asked for a more clarifications. I then send an email, but since it was a very long email, I figured that she did not read it. Because I never got a reply from her.

But in the next meetings a couple of board members came to me and told me that they agree with my writings. So either I am dealing with an idiot, that forwards messages without reading them, or she actually did read them. I was hopping for the second.

Well, she stopped attending club meetings shortly afterwards, so I never got an explanation. I would be alright even with the selfish one, just allow me to understand.

This is also the reason why I sometimes (read: frequently) have problems with understanding why people have an emotional reactions. Like when a person cuts the line in front of me, or when a person jumps in to explain something better. Or why my mother is so persistent that I come home, going all emotional, but when we are together we don't really have a lot to talk about it or do together.

I can still read the emotion in the face. I once had a conversation with a classmate and I told her, that I noticed that she was feeling down yesterday during class. She was excited, that apparently I can emphasise. But all I did was observe her body language and face, and concluded that she looks like she has less every than normal.

I still don't know if this is a strength or a weakness. But it is just what comes naturally for me.