Blog of Sara Jakša

Different Types of Arguing

You have probably noticed by now that everybody don't have the same strategy for arguing. Some people love it, and they are really confrontational, some people are trying to not get into arguments. Some people use facts, while some apply to feelings, and some try to manipulate and deceive.

While perceiving function can influence what kind of data do we use in the arguing, I do believe that it is the judging function that influences what kind of style of arguing are we using.

Introverted feeling types seem like they are trying to avoid any kind of conflict. They do it by disengagement. They usually reply with 'anybody has the right to their own opinion'. An ENFP that I know is really careful with making sure to try and not get into even a heated discussion, let alone argument. A lot of times it comes down to the argument that we have a different taste or opinion or values.

Down below is one example of it:

INTP: I went to the lecture you recommended. I did not like it. ENFP: Who was the lecturer? Person X? INTP: No, it was somebody else. ENFP: If it would be person X (who was organizing it) it would be better. INTP: Even so, they allowed somebody that treated us like we are 10 year old, and they did not even say anything new. ENFP: We do have a different taste.

Extraverted feeling types are using the different tactic to avoid conflict. They are trying to win you over by activating your feelings. I guess a stereotypical politician would be a good example of this. Sometimes this can be seen as a manipulation as well.

Down is one example with a person that I believe uses Fe as primary judging function:

xxFJ: Is there any comments that you want to give to what happened in the last meeting? INTP: I was a little stressed, but I think it went alright. xxFJ: Don't you think that there is something that you have to apologize for? INTP: No? I don't remember doing anything wrong. xxFJ: Don't pretend like you don't know it. (on the end I had to ask what was wrong and apparently I hurt his feelings)

Extraverted thinking types are using the facts from the current reality. They will point out where the ideas don't hold water in the real world. I have a friend that uses Te as primary judging function. He is always pointing out why some ideas are infeasible. He is also likely to bring some random fact to prove his point.

Here is one of the conversations that I had with him a couple of times:

INTP: We really should have a reverse Toastmasters meeting. INTJ: This would not help much, as people would not actually get the accurate evaluations. INTP: They can ask for the evaluations afterwards. INTJ: But you know our members. They never do. INTP: It would be fun. INTJ: It wouldn't.

Introverted thinking types usually go around and try to test the assumptions. That leads to the mostly questioning style that can sometimes remind some people of the Socratic style of learning. I know that a lot of times I like using questions to try and understand things, or simply to try and illuminate the subject matter for other people.

Here is an good example of the Ti in actions:

(There is some news on the television) INTP: But why would people do that? ISTP: Most people are not able to use logic to make decisions. INTP: But what were they thinking? ISTP: If your assumption is true, why did that other thing happen? INTP: Maybe because of X. But if that would be true, shouldn't Y happen?

Sometimes it is good to know what kind of type is the person opposite you. There is no use to try and use logic on the Fi and sometimes even on the Fe types. Just like their natural way of handling the conflict does not work on the Ti and Te types. If you truly want to convince somebody that you are right, maybe giving their argumentative style a try. Even if it will look really pathetic a first couple of times.