Recently, I had a couple of accidents, that are all pointing in the same direction. I think the universe is trying to tell me, that accepting the given things, without worrying what to give back is all right.
I am always worried, if I am providing value, to the people around me. I actually do not like to be praised so much for it, since to me it is a second nature. Not in a way, that I am going to say yes to everything the people ask me to do, but in a way, that if it is for the long term good of a person, then I am going to do it. And I always try to provide value back to anybody that had done something for me.
Then I started to exchange mails with the person, that said to me, that I should not worry about providing value back. He would not remain in my company, if he would not like it.
I read that, but it wasn’t really registering inside my mind. Why not worry? I do not want to take more than I can give back. I do not want to grow up into an adult leech, but into adult responsible person.
And that incident was not the only one. But it was the most recent one, where I got the message like that.
But I guess the universe started to get annoyed with me to be unable to get the message, so it sended me a lesson, to reflect on myself.
I was in the pub, like I spend most of my Monday’s evenings. I was seeing food, but I didn’t order anything, since I was not that hungry. I knew, that I will not be able to eat the portion, if they were as big as they seemed on the plate.
But I somehow wanted to try on of the foods...
So not a tex minutes later, the associate of mine comes, and announces that there is the free food. I was confused. Why would there be free food? But he didn’t know.
I came there, and nobody was watching. I was looking at the food, being suspicious of the offer. Looking for the reasons, why they would do that. Then the lesson hit me. And I started laughing.
I like cooking, so I surprised people with prepared food before. I didn't want anything in return, but if they are inclined to tell me their opinion, I would be more than satisfied. I like seeing people eating the food they like. I just hoped, that I can make them experience that.
But if they are thinking the same thought as I was in that moment, there is no way, they can really enjoy the food. There is always ‘what if...’ involved.
So I relaxed, and stopped questioning it, tasting the food I wanted to try.
I know I am still far away from truly learning to accept the gifts, but I think I finally got, what the universe was trying to tell me. And I make my promise here to it, that I will do my best to not fall back on my old habits.