Blog of Sara Jakša

How I Realized, That I Am Asexual

Asexual. The word, most of the people I met had never heard of before. Some of them understand it just by hearing it, but some of them do not.

When the people talk about sexuality, the mostly divide people into three groups: heterosexuals, bisexual and homosexuals. I usually do not see the word asexual even mentions. It is true, that by statistics, we represent only 1% of the world, but we are still people, that do not want to be excluded.

I struggled with my identity for a while. When I was 17 years old, I suddenly realized, a lot of people around me watch porn and masturbate. Some of them talked about their sexual life.

I was unable to participate in the discussion, as up to that moment, I didn't try any of that stuff. I just wasn't interested.

But I am a person, who wants to try everything for herself. So I tried watching porn, but I found it boring. I started to read stories with erotic scenes in it, but after a while I realized, that I enjoy the plot, if there was any, and I usually skimmed the rest of it, since it was not interesting to me.

I tried masturbating, but I didn't feel anything. I could get some sort of body reaction, but it seemed pointless. I even tried it with a person, when opportunity presented itself, but it felt hollow and completely pointless.

But still, I was little lost. I didn't feel into any definition, that I knew. Since biologically, I would have to feel the need to do it, but I didn't. I felt like my biology was not normal.

Then one day I read the word asexual on the internet. I was so intrigued, that I started to look around to learn more about it.

I finally find out, that I biologically, there was nothing wrong with me. Or there was a lot of people, that had something wrong with them.

I came in term with it in a moment. I finally felt right.

I am proud to be asexual and I am not ashamed to admit it. But sometimes I feel, like people would need to be exposed to that concept just a little more.

After all, we hear about all the other preferences a lot, but this one.