Blog of Sara Jakša

Do You Feel The Need To Pretend?

I like talking to the interesting people. People with different view that my or different from other people, that I usually talk about. People that are really passionate about something, and get really fired up discussing it. People that don't mind saying their own mind and might sometimes even participate in the debate, where we can see our differences in opinion. It really help to clarify the thinking of a person.

But sometimes I see the person that I know, and they act different around different people. I do act more subdued sometimes, but the changes in some of the people is like a reversal.

I was wondering about that subject, until recently. I got a mail about a person I got a really great vibe from and I really enjoyed conversing with him, as I meet him for the first time.

But he wrote to me, that sometimes he gets the feeling, that he needs to pretend.

I was glad, that he didn't feel that need with me.

I was also surprised. I don't understand why the people would have that feeling.

I might be lucky. My primary school was the worst primary school in the city (and I lived in the capital, there are a lot of primary schools there). But I got a really hard skin and I learn a valuable lesson. If you don't stand up for yourself and be clear and loud about your thinking, than others can step over it.

Sometimes I got ridiculed because of it or even in a fight, but it was a better opinion.

When I came to high school, I was admitted to one of the three best high schools in the city. The change was enormous. People tried to fit in and they even changed their opinion sometimes to fit better. Nobody wanted to stand against anybody.

Which was probably the reason they were afraid of me. Not only was I introverted and shy and afraid of people, so I didn't seek the company of others. But I was not afraid to state my opinion, when I thought it can contribute something or when they misunderstand my stance.

I still think that standing up to myself was the best lesson that I had learned from all my years of schooling. Even if some of them was against the people, supposed to be higher on the totem pole, that I lose against. Sometimes only because they ‘said so' and because they were ‘more suited to make decisions because of their position'.

But I never give up. Even this days, I like sharing my opinion and I will do it on any subject, I heard about before, if only promoted. But in exchange I hope people will share their real views with me as well.